Unmasked

On a scale of 1 to 10, how rude my brother? 12! He’s very rude and I hate him to the bones. I...

Mon, 13 May 2013 19:24:19 +0800

On a scale of 1 to 10, how rude my brother? 12! He’s very rude and I hate him to the bones.

I sometimes hope that the sun won’t shine for him when he wakes up tomorrow, I just hate him too much but I know that it’s not good to ask for something like that—death. I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all (Bohemian Rhapsody is my jam okay) to ease all these pains or to not feel these sadness and grief and envy in my heart because it doesn’t feel good, I tell you, it hurts—it hurts too much that you just wish for some big ass truck to hit you and crash you into pieces at that very moment.

Or maybe, somehow, I don’t really hate him, because you cannot hate someone. According to what I’ve read, it’s only the absence of love. So maybe that’s it. Maybe I just envy him for having everything he asked/wished for, for being everyone’s favorite. He gets everything while I get none. He’s the favorite while I’m the least person that will come across their minds. He’s the person they all care for while I’m a careless person.

I was once the favorite but I wreck it all or it faded because I was too busy with my life in particular and the social media that I forgot what I was supposed to give much attention and to care for.

Maybe, I’m still lost. I still don’t know how life goes and how to be an adult because how much I try to be mature, since I’m the “Ate”, I can’t force myself to be an adult there’ll be still time that I’ll still long for some fondness just like newborn babies and some “lambing”.

Eff this life.

Yes, we know how shitty our government and how deaf our leaders. But have we dig deeper with our...

Mon, 13 May 2013 19:05:33 +0800

Yes, we know how shitty our government and how deaf our leaders. But have we dig deeper with our society and try to find what’s really the problem behind all these shits? No. And the truth is, we are the problem in our country, the solution to this problem and a problem that will never be solved ever because we, the people, are the problem yet we act like innocents and rant how much shitty our government is, when in fact we are the one that got away.

Got the shit?

jessanmiramon: Because maybe…

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:37:29 +0800

jessanmiramon:

Because maybe…

I asked for John Lennon’s The Letters and I don’t get any response. My brother asked for...

Mon, 13 May 2013 17:37:02 +0800

I asked for John Lennon’s The Letters and I don’t get any response. My brother asked for a Gundam which costs like 2,000 pesos and without second thoughts, my Grandmother said “Okay.”

So, this is how it feels like to be the favorite granddaughter no more.

Dear Mommy, I know I’m not the best daughter in the World...

Sun, 12 May 2013 08:00:12 +0800

Dear Mommy,

I know I’m not the best daughter in the World neither do I the sweetest but here I’ll say it from the top of my lungs, I love you Mommy. I’m happy that you are my Mom even though you are 4,293 miles away from us you still have time to catch up with us unlike Dad who’s only inches away from me, but I understand him..sometimes. I know I’ve been really distant from you and that I don’t talk to you all the time unless I have something I want, well at least that’s what Ate Xeai always says. But it’s not. I actually have a lot of stories to tell you but I don’t know where to start. I have a lot of boy problems that I want to share to you, my crushes, my boy bestfriend and a lot more. I just hope we catch up soon.

And I’m sorry if I get to emotional sometimes, if I become too aggressive sometimes that I want it to be mine as soon as possible or I’ll die, if I get sad everyday, if I don’t know how to be sweet, if I’m not the best daughter, if I make you cry, if I always end up ruining everything.

I love you Mommy. And Happy mother’s day.

Always,
Your beautiful daughter

(So that’s how I looked like last summer, a lot of things changed!)

mademoisellerika: I have trust issues. When I become too attached, I pull myself back. I have a...

Sat, 11 May 2013 20:34:00 +0800

mademoisellerika:

I have trust issues. When I become too attached, I pull myself back. I have a rope on me at all times to do this, rendering myself not capable of loving anybody. And truth be told, I’m just scared. People call me strong but I’m not. In the end, I’m just as vulnerable as everybody else.

countfrankula: depression is like not giving a fuck and anxiety is like giving too many fucks and...

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:44:22 +0800

countfrankula:

depression is like not giving a fuck and anxiety is like giving too many fucks and when you have both it’s like fuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkk

These are the moments I don’t want to be too emotional because clearly, I’m too...

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:41:03 +0800

These are the moments I don’t want to be too emotional because clearly, I’m too emotional. Because if I do, I’ll be crying and I won’t stop crying.

I’m not really the type of girl who gets everything she wants. Well, at least, that’s...

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:33:05 +0800

I’m not really the type of girl who gets everything she wants. Well, at least, that’s how I see myself. Before I ask for something, I ask myself first, can I use this for a long time? Is it expensive or not? Do I really like it? I don’t ask for something that I know I wont need and use for a long time and I don’t buy things that costs a diamond. I know my limit and I know when to ask or not. And I hate it when my siblings ask for too much. I hate it because I envy them. That’s it, I envy them. They get everything they want while I get none. That’s how my life goes. Nothing new, really. I just get things that are 2nd best, not really supposed to be mine and the least expensive because they say, I’m not worth it for a diamond. I’m not worth of their time. I’m not the girl they should be spending a hundred bucks.

Because I’m not worth it. I’m a piece of crap.

So..they get everything they want while I get none? Duh, of course, I’m not your favorite.

Sat, 11 May 2013 19:26:57 +0800

So..they get everything they want while I get none? Duh, of course, I’m not your favorite.

That Girl

Thu, 02 May 2013 21:16:04 +0800

I’m not really the type of girl that will come up to you and say sorry when I did something wrong (with/out knowing it) to you. I actually don’t say sorry, especially if I know I didn’t do something wrong or at least I assumed that I didn’t. But it’s still the same thing, right? You know if you did or didn’t. It’s your body, mind and soul after all, so you should know it. I hate confrontations and compromising. I just hate it. I’ve always hated it. Maybe, I’m just not that type of girl who wants to talk about the problem and make it more complicated? I’ve always hated the talk. Sure, I have a lot on my mind. I have a say on everything. I have an opinion on everything. But it just doesn’t make sense. I mean, why talk about something you don’t want to talk about? You’ll just piss the shit out of you and end up crying.

And to be honest, I’m a cry-baby. I cry on the silliest thing on the Earth. I cry when someone judges me. I cry when my Father scolds me. I cry when my Father is belittling me and does not trusts me, I cry when my Father does not give a shit on everything I say. I cry when my Mother does not reply on my messages. I cried when my parents broke up and I still cry every now and then. And to top of it, I cry all the time. That’s why I hate the talk, I hate confrontations, I hate saying sorry because I’ll just end up crying and starts sneezing and just cry and you can’t hush me down for a minute. It’ll take a lot of hugs, bribery and “it’s okay”.

I hate saying sorry. And I’m sorry if I can’t be sweet and clingy all time, it’s just not me. I hate “sorry” because it wouldn’t change a thing if you say it. Sure, you’ll feel lighter, but do you think everything will be back to normal if you say it? No. And even if you bribe me with cheeseburgers, strawberries and cheesecakes I will still say No. It wouldn’t change a thing. Trust me. Things will just be better..temporarily but everything will totally be different.

I’m not the strongest person you’ll know. People see me as a strong girl but the truth is I’m not. But I want the people to see me as strong. I want them to believe that yes, I’m strong and I don’t shred a single tear over a movie because it’s stupid. Sounds ironic, eh? Wanna know why? Because I don’t need their pity. I hate it when they feel sorry for me. I hate attention and I’ll always hate it.

I’m scared.

I’m scared of the truth, I’m scared of the reality. I want to make myself believe that everything’s okay and that I’m happy. But deep inside me my soul is yearning for love and crying for help. But no one notices it. I want to stuck myself into fantasies and fairytales and happy ever afters but it’s just not enough. I know when time comes, I have to face the truth, but now that I’m not yet ready, will you just please bear with me until I get my armor?

And you see, I’m just not that girl you think you knew.

You are you when you feel like you. You are not you when you feel like shit. You are you when you do...

Thu, 02 May 2013 20:20:13 +0800

You are you when you feel like you. You are not you when you feel like shit. You are you when you do things you like. You are not you when someone forces you to do something and you still do it. You are you when you are happy. You are not you when you are sad and bursting into tears.

I don’t know thyself anymore I ruined thyself I crushed thyself And now I long for thyself

Thu, 02 May 2013 20:08:33 +0800

I don’t know thyself anymore
I ruined thyself
I crushed thyself
And now
I long for thyself

He hugged me from my back. I can feel his tears on my shoulders, “Please don’t...

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:53:32 +0800

He hugged me from my back. I can feel his tears on my shoulders, “Please don’t go..” he whispered, his warm breath made my heart jump again… I cannot resist him.. I tried to get him off of me, but he’s too strong.. Too strong for me to handle, too strong for me to let go.

Photo

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:52:00 +0800

Let’s wait for that daywhen we’re both ready We’ll meet at the baytogether with...

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:51:00 +0800

Let’s wait for that day
when we’re both ready
We’ll meet at the bay
together with your Daddy

And ask him formally
to take you with me.
to love thee endlessly
Forever shall it be

Drown you with thou love
‘til the depths of the deep sea
Free like the dove
And we must drink tea

“But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am...

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:32:48 +0800

“But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”

Photo

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:23:54 +0800

I loathe you. I abhor your existence. I dislike everything about you. But I still love you. I still...

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 22:53:46 +0800

I loathe you. I abhor your existence. I dislike everything about you. But I still love you. I still do.

For what it is worth— the space between the linesis actually the truthI had no courage to say.You...

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 22:45:23 +0800

For what it is worth—

the space between the lines
is actually the truth
I had no courage to say.

You knew better to really listen.